Time doesn't heal things. it only blur things so that you don't remember as clearly as before.

I know,

There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby.

all those disheartening thoughts are lost in fragments of memory.

who is she.

been a month since I sent the email. shit me, my heart's still with you. I really donno what she's got that I don't have. but I don wanna know. irony. but don worry, I wont let it show and I wont let you know. there's only second best I could find now. speaking of a broken heart. I know it all too well.

how i really wish you could come back. forget everything that happened and be with you. I never thought I could put my pride down to this extent. never, did I thought you could move on so fast. where is the boy I love so much? the boy with the kind heart which I fell so crazy in love with, whom I know I just wanna grow old with, I could give up everything for? where are the days I so damn contented just sleeping next to you, hearing your heart beating and hold your arm, knowing that he really loves my heart, he really do. the one who will look into my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful. felt so right. everything just felt so goddamn right. but then things start to change. he changed. i asked him why he changed, and he replied ' because, people do change.' it hurts me so bad. tears swallowed down inside, held back my tears and I felt the lump in my throat so many times. I was all along loving the boy who he once was, but too bad he changed.

why did he become such a evil man?

so i promised myself im gonna hold my head high, not gonna let anybody see pain anymore. even if it means crying alone in the night, yeah my huge ego, i will survive through. but im falling into pieces everytime I think of the past. where is the strength I had. i just wanna know, how could he be so cold hearted and changed. for he had a girl who loves him so damn much. I really love him so much. if only you can dig out my heart and take a look

here is the only place that i can voice out my real thoughts. because I know no one will ever read them.

I used to be a dreamer. I am a dreamer. I have my fears. unspoken fears. I am so afraid I will never find another boy who loves me like he did. I am so scared. I think about it everyday. I worry about it everytime. So long you come back, give me a hug like how you used to, everything will be okay. I can forget about the bad things you did to me. I regret giving you up. yes I regret it so much. but I guess you need the freedom. I dont know why your so hard to get over with. perhaps I still love you. just like how I did the very first day we been tgt.
I simply couldnt get myself to stop the clock on this blog.
I know I shouldnt love you still because you no longer do.
time, help me with this please.

its sucha shame. I have lost the you that I knew so well, somewhere, somehow. or is that the one that you shown me? that pretended side of yours? i dont know. but its no point to know anymore.

but as far as I know the clock has never stop before

love.

wanna post this here because I know nobody would check my old blog here hah.


it can be quite fun to see someone telling you lies in your face when you already knew the truth.
Indeed, it broke me up inside as you continue every sentence.
I dont know what cause this change of heart in you. But just that my love for you have never change abit. and it never will.

closing down

WADDDUPPPPP peepsssss ((: ahhh anws just wanna inform your that this blog's closing down. for frens, sorry uh not much updating lately. for haters, yeah go ahead and be glad about it. but same old lines: FUCK YOU(s).(: will be sending u all link of new acc in future. till then....takecare ! :DDD

27/05/2010

dont jump.

you used to have a girl who loves you so much, who's willing to wait for you.
Yet you chose to throw it all away.

25/05/2010

uh. jealousy? envy? a little bit of both i guess. dream. i mean..... urgh fuck it. as the song goes, whatever will be, will be. yeah.


everyone makes mistakes right? haah. well.


whatever will be, will be.


had gone with the flow for too long and lost myself.

time to find it somewher else.

its now or never.

22/05 - 23/05

nah uh. thissh ishh sho not guuudd.

waking up at 7pm on a sunday. how the hell am i going to sleep at night when there's work tmrrrrrrrrrrr. rwarrr.

anws had a fun night out with bert n ppl. went to had dinner at billy bombers after bert's gig, and toured arnd town. went for drinks at Spyder opposite Paradiz centre. brings back lots of memories man. tower of beer n a black label. close-to-killer combi for me after laying off alcohol for quite some time ah. after which went to cine for K-box till 6am, as well as for more and more drinksssss. shiokkkk to the max. back home at 7am plus, bathed and i jiktao concuss-ed. wan der fool weekend. ahhhh. im so god damn awake/stoned now aye. shit.

HAHAHA and all that's ringing in my mind now:

''Bo ta Bo LANJIAO! (except for me lahhh)'' and the ''Bro-code''. lololololololololol.

sometimes i guess i'll much prefer be a guy to than being a girl. It would be so much simpler.

If that boy dont love you by now, he'll never ever love you. harsh reality

According to the Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four legs, four arms, and a head with two faces.

Fearing their power, Zeus split them apart, condemning them to spend their lives in the search of their other half.

20/05/10

despite all, you're still the best thing that could ever happen to me.

19/05/10- you're a....sexy baby.

OT-ed tonight. tired and headed home after work. only motivation? getting ma fishy coloured end of mth. well planning to go for it by myself but since he wanted to acc me let it be then.


thinking back on the month so much happened. owe a big one to marke. if not hav no idea that sickening son-of-a-bitch gonna g__gb__g me with hw many of those f-up bastards. and that bloody bitch. none of her motherfucking business still wan chup. really jiak ba bo sai pang sial.

anws am looking forward to those club sessions with ma bitches man(: hav been so long since my freedom. its time to rock baby.


I shivered at the thought of it.
I wont let another man into my heart again.
I wont.

...I hope.

18/05/10

swt words n humor.

I felt appreciated.

I felt remembered.

I felt human once again.

hatred

why cant you use the heart that I've used to accept all your mistakes and incompetency?

16/05

memories are being erased, bit by bit.

15/05/10

Everyone wants to know why I won't let you go. It's because if I walk away, I know you won't come after me.

14/05/10 Part two

went bugis after work with joyce to meet up with ayuni to chill. walked arnd and talked for hours. bought myself a beautiful pair of rose studs. was otw home when stoped by a group of bengs. asked me for number. luckily they werent persistent. tio reject 3 times and give up.

Im contented enough right now, aint I?

14/05/10, our tenth.

Happy 10th baby.

13/05/10

took half day off work. tired.

was told that I will be taught editorial work to help clients in coming up with advertising lines. Sorta cheered me up abit as I can use little creativity and also get abit closer to my dream of entering mass comm.

hope it all works out fine.

13/05/2010

fuck this life.

left chest hurts again. hav to stop my breathing to ease the sharp pain. wonder, can i just stop breathing. too tired to go on. nothing's holding me back anymore. my love for life is gone. every single fucking day is drenched in darkness. which motherfucker knows.

I've became so silent. and lifeless.

Come and take me away if you want. I dont want me anymore. same nostalgic-


free me.




but lord pls help me in any unforeseen outcome. let him find a girl who loves him as much as I do. whole-heartedly.
just dont take away my memories. they're mine

08/05/2010 - Can you meet me halfway

Just woke up. Met up with jieying and jac, but jac couldnt make it to meet us. had 2 buckets of heinekens. High and dry.

she asked me to stay where I am. till he comes back.

faith is running out. thinking back on all the bad things he did.

Is it worth it?

fucked it up once, but i aint gonna fuck it up twice.



You once said you will never let harm come in my way. You broke your promise.

03/05/2010

i asked,

Can i close my eyes and forget everything.

No one replied me.

I asked again.

I want everything to be that simple, thats all.

Nothing.

Its all empty.

I've become so hollow.

This is not the wencui i used to know.

Fallen and defeated.

Fine. God, u won.

01/05/10

went to bert's gig ytd. laughs. movie at 2am. home at 4am plus. tired, but worth it(: im starting to love this feeling. embrace it baby.

25/04/2010

Guess i've started to find my self-worth. Hence im so affected by it. and others.


Im so tired. I dont even bother explaining myself to others. Which motherfucker knew the heartache Im having.

24/04/2010

where are you b.

the feeling of missing you is still as strong.

i miss you.wanted to go view your fb page, but i dont even dare to open that page. guess its THAT overwhelming to me. and no, i still haven went to your page since u sailed. guess as a coward i do not have the courage.

had a dream ytd lol.

dreamt i found out from marke that u meeting him to play LAN at Geylang (-.-) while u were taing a break from ur sailing. laughs. lol. still rmber i was damn pissed y u didnt reply my msges yet contacted Marke to go DOTA. lol.

well. a dream, is still a dream after all. yea

Nothing in words can describe how much im missing you right now, hubby. lougong fai dik fan lei ah.

i promise i wont pick on you and find chance to quarrel with you liao. come back okay?

i tried to do everything i can to take my mind off you,but you have no idea how hard it is. you ARE indeed on my mind 24/7. nabeh. yesterday even sneaked into my dream sia.

perhaps i'll be better after starting work on monday. perhaps.

23/04/2010

You said there might be possibility of wireless there.

I held on to the hope.

I log in everytime,checking my mail inbox.

There's no news of you.

how are you doing b.

ngo hou xiong lei ah.

i want ur kisses on my cheeks, forehead, nose, and lips to feel safe.

I want you to come back , hug me to tell me everything's alright.

I miss you so badly.

22/04/2010

yea guess i've began blogging once again. its the only way i can express myself, although its pathetic how im pouring my heart out to a electronic device. in fucking constrast to the image i potrait to people; being heck-care and stuff.

i really really am missing him.

tons and tons of questions in my head.
is he slping well? what does he eat there? is he eating well there? hw's his days over there? wat to do if it rains over there? is there somebody who help the dumbdumb iron his uniform there? does he thinks of me at least once a day? does he know im thinking of him.
god. im missing him so badly. swore i never knew i could ever love a man so much. so much that i will do anything to hug him now. I wanna feel his warmth. That familiar pair of hands, which im gonna hold till the day im being put into the ground. till the day my memories are being erase out of my mind. till the day where even alpha and omega doesnt even exist when everything doesnt matter anymore.


I love you.

21/04/2010

Its officially one day since u went on your sailing.

All i want to do now. is to lean close to you and whisper :

Ngo hou xiong lei ah Lougong. Ngo zhen ga hou xiong lei ah. Lei fai di fan lei, hou ma.


you never know much i yearn for you to be sleeping next to me right now. I promise I'll watch you sleep. I promise.

130210

once again you let me down.
you said to bring me along to your dinner.
yet you mention shits about it now.
dont you know how i wanted the acceptance?
but yet how you want me to say it? to ask you? ' are you bringing me along?'
its unfair.
times and tomes you make me so down.
i thought you'll know me inside out by now.
seems like you dont.
you made me wanna say goodbye so much.
my heart just gets colder by the minute.

sudden/out-of-boredom thought/reminisc(e)

eh. no purpose for this post la. just feel like typing it i guess.



Well ever since 110709, my life has undoubtedly, made a dramatic change. Or rather someone changed it dramatically. For the better(:

And so here it begins, me learning and observing how to, what is, finding out why, etc. All these questions revolve around nothing but the thing called love. I wont say that its a word but a thing as it is more of a starting point in a mind-map that leads to alot of stuffs much rather than just a four-letter word. AND, i think ALL dictionaries should have the word removed. Simply cause it is not a thing that can be explained or defined universally and have it approved by Wikipedia/Google/Whatever Lanjiao websites or professors or whosoever. It applies to two individuals, (or three, four, five......... if your into THOSE kinda thing and you know what i mean :D) , to each their own.



WTF am i rambling on -..-
OH YEAH what really triggers off this post was my dream i had recently.
Well it was back into the days when im still at Club9. And the after math? After i woke up, can't help but think and compare the life then and the life im having now. Though both ARE fucked, but one's fuck and the other is fuckery fuck.
Okay. Shall begin with my NOW life. Waking up at 6am: pee, brush teeth, bath, dry hair, make up, dressed, take bus. Reached office, switch on computer, and there it goes, my day of facebooking/a-bit-of-working. Monday to Friday. Welcome to my life. OKAY LAH it isnt so bad LAH. You'll find out why if you continue your reading to the end of this nonsensical post. :))


WHEREAS, the LAST-TIME life: sleep at 6 or 7am, wake up ard 5pm, pee, brush teeth, eat first-meal-of-the-day, watch tv, nuah abit here and there, bath, changed, off to work at 8 or 9pm. Stepping inside, you'll be greeted by familiar faces, or welcomed by stares of unfamiliar people whom will be caught whispering to their friends or companies ' Li kua Li kua, An Ni Shueh Han Zho Pub Liao', in which you'll proceed to don-give-a-fuck /pretend nvr hear. For the familiar faces, you'll just feel their smiles whilst walking in, feeling their glares which scans you from top to toe, recieving compliments on how great you look with that mini skirt/new pair of heels. Fllowed by which, their offers or demands that u've to down 3 rockglasses of whatever cause you turn up for work so late. Fine i admit inside my mind was like '' Oi here is pub leh. Li ai wo ann ni zhan lai zhor simi ?!'' After a night of drink, 5-10, and stuff, our transport picks us up at like 2am and back home, sleeping safe and sound, partially cause of all the shit they made you down.



OKAYOKAY i know. I can no longer go back. though there is the tiny/hidden urge which i can't voice it out. Everytime Jieying says ' i miss Club9!' , I could only reply with a smile and '' ya lor.''
I know to alot of people, it is not a glamorous kinda job, but just so happen that it was my favourite job. In summary, you're paid to DRINK. how pretty is that.
Of cause there's little ugly side, like fighting with other bitches to open bottles, sticking around with customers just so that they'll (hopefully) buy you a lady's drink.




NOW, I've just embarked on another new path of life. Maturing, i would like to called it. Settling down, stuff like that. But suprisingly, I'm willingly to do it. This brings us back to 110709, the day when i met someone who changed my life. The very same person who has thus became my motivation for living. Ok living is too large-scale. He's my motivation for small-scale things like waking up in the morning, looking forward to weekends, stuffs like that.



OKAY gtg back to ''work'' lol. Shal end this post on a lighter note.


Love
You
Lee
Yao
Wei
Kim(:

LOOOONG TIME

UPDATE people UPDATE LIAO LOHHHHHH :DD





29 Dec

Work.
-_-




30 Dec

Work.
-____-




31 Dec

Half day actually, but nv went work.
(n____n)




01 Jan

.............forgot what i did LOL but anywaes it was the first day of a new year lah!




05 Jan

After work went town with b....bought two sunglasses from Rubi @ $10 each^^ cheapcheap nicenicenice. decided to wear them on our sentosa trip during the weekend :DD




07 Jan

Ponn-ed work againnn. forgot what i do already lol.




08 Jan

Went work......got newyear reception so OT-ed till 7.45pm.
-..-
there goes my friday.
but after work went find B and stayed over (: worth it laaa(:




09 Jan

Woke up, went home bath and prepare, meet b arnd 11pm to have Mac at ECP followed by L4D2 :)))................back to B's and zzzzzzzzzz(B's) ZZZZZZZZZZZ(mine) lol.





10 Jan

Woke up while B still lazy-ing in bed to bath, dry hair, wait for B to bath and prepare, and OFF TO SENTOSA!!!!!!!
HAHAHA initial plan was to wake up at 10.30am but both of slept til 12pm plusplusplus.
reached Vivo arnd 3pm plus, eat, went giant to get the sand mat, apple juice, sun-tan lotion, wangwang crackers etc :D
......reached Sentosa arnd 4pm :))
slack arnd.......left about 6pm plus and back to Vivo for dinner at Superdog:)))
Gtg home at 8pm plus after that as i have work the next day :(

12 Jan

Aft work went to collect the ''initially-meant-to-be-suprise'' for B but in the end he drove me there .
-______-'''''''
hahaha at the Sentosa trip he said wanted to have one as they are very cute.......... so the day after that i reached office str8 away went online to search....... TWO WINTER WHITE DWARF HAMSTERS.
Arranged to meet and collect from that guy at Lakeside MRT station. lol he placed them in a shoe box and i opened it..... SO CUTEEEEEE. Two little furry puddings pop their heads up and kept hiding in the paper. lol i even made a joke about them being just ''man-yue'', as they are only 4 weeks old and have open their eyes two weeks back nia <3<3<3
Then decided to skipped work the next day to play with them :DDDDDD


what a great excuse.
:))




13 Jan

Skipped work
(wuhoo)
While B was having tennis training went to meet up with jieying :D
Had dinner at Modesto (i think that's the name) at Vivo. After which headed to St. James for a little drink while waiting for B to come and fetch me :D
.....aft b's tennis went to eat at chompchomp and back to his place to ZZZZZZZzzzz and more zzzzzzzzzzz




14 Jan

Skipped work again
(WUHOOOOOOOO)
Because.............

ITS MY 1/2 YEAR WITH B !!!!!!!!
aiyoyo time pass so fast sia.
been 6 months since that dumbdumb carried me home from DBL O :DDDDD
love you my lougong(:

15 Jan

Once again its Fridayyyyyyy, the loveliest day of the week.
After work went home for dinner to wait B to end his stupid donno-what ship opening. Aiya in short, he went to open a ship la okay lol.
Went over to B's at arnd 9pm , waited for his friends , used his perfume (LOL), then headed down to Boatquay. Opened 1 martell 1 Chivas, still left a bit of chivas so we tabao-ed and enjoy it while on the way to St. James :DDD
at St james just ANYHOW drink, in which i mean realli ANYHOW drink, cause people just give you and you just ''gurp'' and drink down.
Back to B's aft that :DD




OKAY DONE FOR THE DAY!!!!
Chaos peeps
:D

This is why i love you

LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME NV UPDATE LIAO :DD
kk in the form of summary (again)










14 Dec

Nv went work. Forgot donno why also LOL. k was joking. IT WAS OUR 5th MONTH MA(:
anywaes, went with Zac, Mar Ke, and B to hav POPEYES. B no money still dig out coins to bring me go eat. Photos taken but cant upload due to siaosiao lappy. And as the next day i got work and no money to eat, B gave me $10, 'just in case' pay haven come in. Seriously. he's the sweetest:DD





15 Dec

Worked. 8.30AM to 10PM. FML





16 Dec

Worked. 8.30 AM to 10PM AGAIN. FMFL.
Lucky B waited for me after work to send me home. sigh its worth the tiredness after all(:





17 Dec

Went work, then B and his friends to Seesha. THE PLACE FREAKING NICE CAN. (ex also la). Not the Cheap-skate kinds that ppl go and sit down on carpets or Hawker Chairs. eewwww. NOPE. its was set on the 2nd storey with air-con and pillows and beer......WUHOO.
By the time we waited for W's suppliers ( only we know what it is), its was close to 2AM. Decided not to go work the next day as i was having headache hence over at B's. LOL. lazy bath so B cleaned me with cloth. MACHIAM PATIENT I SWEAR. off to sleep................






18 Dec

As i said, i didnt went work, slept in till evening, went home, bathed and changed, off to SupperClub. NB. Damn hot can. DANCEFLOOR LIKE NO AIRCON. Lucky we got the VIP TABLES. And guess what. They are BEDSSSSS. omgggg. Saw Ethan, Ivan tay over there. drink dance slack went B's aft that to ZZZZZ.





19 Dec

Wake up, home, bathed and changed, went Wavehouse with B and his friends. First time there, alot of ang mohs. drink abit, then went to fetch his Mum liao. Back to B's , ZZZZZZZZ again.





20 Dec

Home, Bathed, Meet B for awhile before fetching me over to new house for family reunion dinner.






21 Dec

Worked in morning but dint went part time job. Over at B's aft work. Zzzzzzz.





22 Dec

Dint went work...slept with B whole day(: blissssssssssss(:





23 Dec

TADANG. Dint went work. Like AGAIN. lol. slept with B the whole damn day again(:






24 Dec

Went work to discover.........HALF DAY NIA. Over at B's aft work, acc him go cut hair, then at night went over to Cass's for countdown :DDD






25 Dec

CHRISTMASSSSSSS :DD
Had Christmas lunch with B and his Family, then movie at 12.25AM at Cathay. Sherlocks Holmes :DDDD (but was falling asleep as the movie ends around 3AM plusplusplus). Over at B's. ZZZZZZZ.





26 Dec

Woke up, went home rest while B went to hid school's dinner. bathed, changed, then fetched went HomeClub with B, Hanisah, and Jason. Saw Reisha and Mark Koh over there !!!!!! lol overall not bad la the trip(:





27 Dec

Supposed to have work, but ponn-ed again ^^ Acc B and Zac to gym, then subway, and back home to rest for work the next day.





28 Dec

which is TODAY, 8.36PM, im still at work. ZZZZZ. omg gtg smoke before i kill someboooooody.

CHAO PPL(:

Jack of all trades, yet Master of .....none.

Update liao update liao :DDD
A rather long post cause im combining all the days up la.








4th Dec


Work work work...zzzz -______-
Stay over at b's.
More ZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz :DD







5th Dec


Woke up, left b's house at 7pm, went home rest and bath.
BACK TO B'S HOUSE AT 12AM :DD
watch Moulin Rouge ^^ Onli then i know its prononuced as MouLAN rouge. Doesnt takes a genius to figure out who corrected my pronounciation -____-
After b finish his soccer, went to sleep, kiss me goodnight............

B : *kiss my nose*
me : AWWWWW so sweet
B : ya lor im kissing all your blackheads goodnight too .___.
me : OI (chinese) ai wu ji wu HOR. (translated to english: love me love my blackheads)



.......lol. then zzzzzzz liao :))









7th Dec



B having his MST exams so can meet up awhile nia lor.
went to eat CAR LI PENG at our house market.
simple dinner, but blissful enough(:









8th Dec



meet up with b after work awhile also(:
then drove me home liao(:
..............downstairs in his car ...............

B and me : *talking* *talking* *talking*
B : WAIT ! *tapped on the front light*
me : what what ??
B : look at me *looks at me with THAT look*
me : ??
B : ....you look so beautiful my baby(:


waaaaa NB i swear my heart jitao melted sia! i mean although i KNOW i look damn chui after a day of work, but its so heart-warming to hear these things, especially from your loved ones :DD
......and that's one of the reason why i love him. SORRY LADIES HE'S MINE :DD







9th Dec


Went B's place after work, ate a bit of hor-fun his mum bought, then sat in living room with Zac, Ray, and B to watch X-men -.-.
B was eating his apple when he asked me why i dont want. BECAUSE I EAT IT WITH THE SKIN PEELED OFF :DDDD
....then he continued to watch tv IGNORING ME !!!!
...............................
................................
................................
..............then suddenly he turn to me and said: 'NAH!'
i looked. HE ATE UP ALL THE SKIN AND GAVE ME THE APPLE MEAT (i think that's what u call it la). ALTHOUGH there's alot of bite marks (tsk. EEEeeeee. lol) , but that realli shows how much he loves me.
i swear upon my 19 years of life, on that night that was the sweetest apple i have ever eaten.
loves.






10 Dec



Met up with ZhenRen for dinner with B and Marcus after work at tiong :DDDD
Then went to acc B play golf with shaun while i sat and gossip with ZR :DDDDDD
......Had supper at the butter-chicken-place (at least that's what i call it la) , sent ZR home, then B drove me home at ard 12.30am as i still have work the day after that ZZzzzzzzzzz.



NAHBEH ANOTHER STUN FROM B AGAIN.



B: *driving* you know, i might be the jack of all trades, BUT im the master of your heart.
....CCB. heart just melted that day haven recover yet he chu stun AGAIN.


AWWWWWWW (^-^).









11 Dec



WUHOOOOOO~~~~~~
After work 6pm went home to change.
THAI DISCO AT FORUM AT NIGHT!!!!!!!
Meeting B at the disco as he have dinner and dance till 1am -______-
... so after work, went home change, out again and met ZhenRen in town for dinner at FarEast, sat outside to LITERALLY talk cock sing song (she got a lot of new korean songs).
At around 11.30pm walked to forum, met up with Aurobind and his fren.
.... B came to find me ard 1.30am...drink... then the wonderful evening ends and went his place to sleep.
JITAO TIRED OUT ARH.







12 Dec


Slept til 6pm, went home, bath and rest as the next day (which is today, NOW) got work.








13 Dec


FINALLLY blog for so long its TODAY's entry lol.
Now in office working (face-booking), later 6pm end work B coming pick me up and gg out with his classmates :DDDD


OKAY SHALL STOP HERE LIAO.
Going toilet BANG SAI LIAO.
Eat so much shit out also alot i guess lol.




CHAO People !!!
Shall update whenever i have the time ya(:

Jingle Bell Jingle Bell

FINALLY i feel christmas's approaching after the brain-washing every morning when i go work (sometimes on off-days too).
THE D-E-C-O-R-A-T-I-O-N-S on the trees lining the whole way.
-________-



b's sick.... and his exam coming soon. hope he gets better.
if not, exam and sick = killer combo man.




Met up with zhenren after my work ytd to town for dinner and slack and gossiping and coffee-ing. Was talking about alot of stuffs that were going on in our lifes. AND we came to the topic : CHRISTMAS WISHES AND PRESENTS.
HAHAHA Bestfrens will always be bestfren man!!!
Her wish was to get a Canon DSLR, while me? a Black Sony Cybershot TX1 or TX90 or TX900. Been eye-ing one since 3672347678432 years ago man.
LOL they all look pretty much the same SIA. But of cause function and resolutions and stuff-wise they differs. She recommended Canon ones, but im not much of a professional leh buy so good one FOR WHAT. plus the sleek-looking cybershot cams are like so fucking chio la.





HENCE I DECIDED LIAO...! Shall save up before christmas to reward myself with it!
Woots never had the strong motivation to do something for so long man ^^ after which whenever i drag B out we can camwhore until we go siao !!! woooooo OKAY i am SO getting the cameraaaaaaaa !





Yawns. k. excitement over. might be updating in the afternoon later on IF i feel like it lol.
fucking sleepy in office mannnnnn. miss ma b so much.
But wish he really sees the change in me. Like not so dependent on him and meeting up everytime. Guess i CAN get used to it ba(:


kk shall stop here. gg smoke.
CHAOOOOOOOO
:DDDDD




HAHAHA kk now's 2.54pm. got to update ONE thing.......



NEXT DESIGN: Barcode :DDD
number wise i donno what to put yet.

All's well, all's well :DD

YAWNS. Monday morning. booggering. LOL i mean blogging la(:

kkkkkkkkkkk fast fast recap before i forget :







19 Nov

Lappy STILLLLLLL can't open internet browser -..-
At work....freaking tired....then suddenly recieved msg from b
'' oi can come down smoke anot ''
HE WAS DOWNSTAIRSSSS MY OFFICE !!!!
wootwoot :DD damn happy la..went down..smoke...acc him go eat...shop awhile before i rmb im still working LOL. bought me Auntie AnnIES cinnamon sugar then im back to office while b went home to change to go his swimming thing in town lo.








25 Nov

Nv went work. Slept over at b's. Something happened the night before WHAT. Shall not mention it ever again except for the phrase '' how dare you''. okay enough said.










27 Nov

Suppose to club or drink BUT went to watch Newmoon
-__________-









28 Nov

went to watch Case 39
^_______^








29 Nov

Sunday. Working. Been working for the whole damn week.
Aft work went to b's place, drove me, Zac, his mumm, mummy's sisterS to Great World City to shop and walk ard.
ORH HOR.
Now then i know watch 'Hangover' that time, it was CINDY who interrupted!!!!!!!!!
KNNBCCB. i take Narutos figurines and stuff them up her whatever holes she got then she know lim bu eh power arh !!!!!!!!! retarded bitch come disturb my date with my b, slap her give her fly high high siol.








kk shall update til here nia. gg lunch time liao ^^
Chap ppl :DDD

Last BUT not least,
wo hou oi lei arh Lou Gong
<3

second thoughts

10.28am.


must be wondering why im blogging at the start of day. well just wanna make a note-to-self kinda shit.


ytd he had flu. went his place to find him aft work. was drizzling but still went to find and buy his snacks n swts anywae. went up. saw his relatives.
went to his rm, didnt look at me for more than 10 secs. n kept on with his game. pestered him for his attention, but he couldnt care less. wanting to leave, thats when he stopped me. whats the use? when i was right infront of you, you dont giv a shit. when i wanted to leave to avoid any conflicts, thats only when u stop me. whats the fucking point. and he didnt even bother to send me to the lift. haha wat a joke. was still waiting, though kept rejecting him, but please dont forget something my dear. after all, im still a girl. i need your attention sometimes.
i know its a small incident, but it realli reflects what kinda person u are.
Back home, he even tries to explain himself, saying what gaming shit. so its my fault for getting pissed when u neglect me for your fucking retarded game when i go n find u aft my wrk? Perhaps he's one of those fucking morons that love playing com games and watching animes. No offence, but indeed those are fucking morons.



fine. whats past is past. sent him msg tis morning. didnt plan to but did anywae. he haven replied.
i've oready put down my pride. what more you want.
saw him online. y can he go online but cant reply me.


just wanna let him know,
dont take things for granted.
y not take a step back in time, and imagine when we just started together.
will you treat me this way?

AIYOYO~~~~~~

Once again............


HAPPI 4TH MTH MY DEAREST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and manymany more to come ^^)


OMGOMGOMG so happy laaa :DD

although didnt REALLY celebrate it, but as usual i still owe the same old present.
and that is ...............................



LYWK (short-form for LeeYaoWeiKim) ^^


yeap my dear IS oready my present.
except for the fact that he's priceless piece of shit (just kiddin').
well he is my...... guess u can call it precious. like one and only on earth, u know. totally impossible to find another of him.
Like no way man.

and ya. am in office now..suddenly tot of posting as well cause lappy can't open internet explorer browser but msn are all doing fine -_____-. FTW.

HENCE i've decided it'll be a thank-you post entry. And the subject? of cause its u-know-who la(:


yea so i'll like to start by thanking him for....... OMFFFF so many things to list out. im definitely not trying to make him out as though he's damn ''( insert chinese words) : wei da'' or what but too bad matter-of-fact is that, he is.






v(^-^)v





So here it goes:
first of all, thanks for his patience towards me (pardon me for not listing out ALL the incidents in which he displayed the above mentioned virtue as it'll take me quite a few days. JUST JOKIN' im just kinda lazy to list them all out lol).
yea...next up is his care and love. I KNOW I KNOW these two words are on top of the ''most-cliche-love-words-of-all-time-list'' but truth is HE IS VERY CARING OKAY. well at least to me and only me :DD
.........and though times and times again i've been tryin to push him away when he tried to understand me, he had not given up on me (but see from his jiao-bin very pe ce liao) so i'm thankful for that as well (:
hmmmm.........


OKAY
and there's my pride. like what's new man. been telling myself COMPROMISE COMPROMISE COMPROMISE ! but not acting it out.
WILL CHANGE ONE B :D

sometimes i realli wonder sia : HOW CAN SOMEONE TAHAN A GF LIKE.........ME?!!!!!!!

well heng ar got a dumbdumb that did it. LOL.

okayokay gonna stop here and go FB liao. cant post pics as like i said earlier, lappy siaosiao T_____T. HANG ON FOR DEM THOUGH!!!!


P.S. : and im so damn looking forward to meting ZR laaaa!!!! That si zhar bo MIA so damn long liao. Oh-so-many things to tell her and gossip about.


Chao for now people((:

cant think of any

in office.




5.28pm



im so tired.

eh eh

Shall let the pictures do the talking tis time round :DD

In the Tarot

The Fool comes to the foot of an enormous black mountain where reigns a creature half goat, half god. At his hooves, naked people linked to the god's throne by chains, engage in every indulgence imaginable: sex, drugs, food, gold, drink. The closer the Fool gets, the more he feels his own earthly desires rising in him. Lust, passion, obsession, greed. "I refuse to give into you!" he roars at the Goat god, resisting with all his might. The creature returns a curious look. "All I am doing is bringing out what is already in you," the beast responds. "Such feelings are nothing to fear, nothing to be ashamed of, or even to avoid." The Fool gestures angrily at the chained men and women, "You say that even though they are enslaved?" The Goat-god mimics the Fool's gesture. "Take another look."

The Fool does so, and realizes that the chained collars the men and women wear are wide enough for them to easily slip off over their heads. "They can be free if they wish to be," the Goat-god says, "Though you are right. I am the god of your strongest desires. But you see here only those who have allowed their base, bestial desires to control them." At this the Goat-god gestures upward, toward the peak of the mountain. "You do not see those who have allowed their impulses and aspirations to take them up to the top of that mountain. Inhibitions can enslave as easily as excesses. They can keep you from following your passion to the highest heights." The Fool realizes the truth in this, and that he has mistaken the Goat-god. Here he understands now that it is not a creature of evil, but of great power, the lowest and the highest, both of beast and god. Like all power it is frightening, and dangerous...but it is also the key to freedom and transcendence if understood and well used.

BEAUtiful sundaeeeeeeeeeeee (eee)

HELLO hello!

lol been busy wif work n slp n shit n stuff. no time to blog niggaaaaAAAAaaaaa!
anywae anywae, summary 1st, just in case i forgot wat happen after loong time :DD




19th Oct:

OFF AT WORKKKKK cuz holiday from saturday pushed forward to Monday, which is this day ^^ donno wat national day for PRC or deepavali. forgot liao. Anywaes was off at work, hence went out with b ^^ took bus to town, and i cant believe dere's somebooooody who dint know about the under-pass to wisma -..-'''' jitao pe ce arrrr. (retardly stupid, but i still love him leh) went to get dinner at the taka the below level, den b tell me about his hildhood stories. LOL. he said three of dem (him, zac, and ray) wlways get lost when dey were young n go shopping wif their parents and kanna found at the lost n found counter LOL. cant imagine how dey look like sia. Like kim's the ''lao da'', den got two ''siao di'' following behind as dey march around the shopping centre. like cute totally la ^^





20 Oct:

went work AS USUAL (tell me more abuot tuesday blues huh) after a day off on monday. tiring day, but guess wat.....b went to suprise me at work place !!! he was waiting for me to end work downstairs la. freaking touched la. was trying to keep my cool but wondered if he could tell la. tat dumb dumb of mine. lol. went dinner after tat lor. cant be out for long as i have work the next day T_T




22 Oct:

Had a really bad day at work, tired, frustration, errors that have to be amended in data base and im not talking about a small figure. SIGH. anywaes, after work, b came to suprised me (again) ^-^ was realli realli realli happi and just makes you feel like giving him a tight hug until both of his D-cups flatten, but all i could do was just stood down dere without much expressions as i was still in the state of sheer exhaustion/ shock/ hungriness. den he brought me to have Burger King (like in a million year) and he had the new spicy crispy chix (i tink that's the name for the burhger) den i had the turkey bacon. AND he told me bacon made of pork. i stunned tio for awhile. PLS LOR. like i ate so many years liao. I DIE DIE DON BELIEVE . NEVER. RWARRR. after dinner, initial plan was to head to Mount Faber to chill, but.......................WELL lets not go to that part shall we :))
............................. P.S.: i promised myself to wait til 11.30pm. well you always said i never keep any promises, but for this i kept it. yes, for myself.





23 Oct

Puffer fish goes to work, den after work accompany b to queue to see MP guy (i tink tats the name) to defer his army. WALAOEH KNLBCCB waited til 10PM PLUS !!!!!!!
To the uncle typing his letter: HOOD JI LIAP HOR YI SI AR! TYPE SO SLOW! _l_ x 9999999999
Planned to go Sunpperclub after tat, but in the end zac said 30 Bucks not worth it (i totally agree la) den nvr go, went his hse to sleep n snore (of cause) while he played majiong with MarKe and ppl. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz -____-






24 Oct

Woke up and went home to bath, prepare, den meet b in town for dinner and (AHEM) shopping ^^ bought his tennis balls den went cine to get my studds den went coffee bean for chill den home liao. Simple but a beautiful saturday evening for me(: (apart from the shopping part laaaaa)






25 Oct


.....which is TODAY AND NOW, im in office lor. yawnssss. prolly gg for a puff aft the entry due to low nicotine level.
Weather: Going to rain just now, got thunder abit, then now sunny again. What a BEAUtiful island we have.
Food Level: Average lor, after one Otah bread, one Sausage bread, one Ham n Cheese Bread i ta bao-ed to work
Water Level: Quite thristy eh. Bought Pepsi to work ^^
Status: Missing b so much. Hope he can meet me for dinner tonight. Nxt wkend he gg advanced diving course AGAINNNNNN. OMG. but, i've got my plans. (if your reading this, RELAX, not clubbing or anything u dont like OKAY). hmmm :))

Sudden inspiration (like again):




Love is when.....................

When i think of you Wherever i am, Whatever i am doing, Whoever i am with, and Wondering whether you are doing the same too, or What will you be doing at the moment.



When i feel sad so long as i don't smell your perfume simply because it gave me a sense of security as i know that you are near me.



When i don't feel your hand and warmth and feeling so out-of-place.



When i don't see your smiles and funny faces all day and so looking forward to it at the end of the day as it is what keeps me going.



When i don't hear your voice comforting me and calling me baby ( or ''you this piece of shit'' for that matter LOL) and know deep inside that no one else can replace you because you are the only one that can call me that.




OKAY i type until my neck sibeh suan liao. Next time got time or inspiration then i continue okay people ? ^^

GTG smoke now liao.
CHAOOOOOOOO~

3rd month 3rd month 3rd month :DD

wait wait wait! first of all...............

Happi 3rd Month to my dearest b :DD !!!!!

Woots. time flies man. 3 months since i met the dumb dumb at Dbl o :D

still rmb he damn funny la. lol. scared i rape him onli. kept insisted on slping on the slping bag. LOL. Den kept check whether im crying when we're chatting the night thru. lol. flashback baby.

13 Oct

went to james' bbq wif b, zac, and the very jiao-wei shaun. LOL. at the bbq:

Me: what a bad boyfren. onli take food for himself. eat eat eat -..-

Zack: What a bad brother -___-'''

Shaun: WHat a fren ! onli know how to eat n eat n eat ! T_T

still dare complain alot of corns in your shit.

LOL. eat for like 20 mins den went to b's golf lesson liao. LOL. while the instructor went to show him n shaun the video, zac n i went to test test the club n stuff. one word: PAI-SEH -.-

den went to Killineys to have supper, as well as to count down our 3rd month :DD the butter chicken damn nice la! like totally man ^^

14 Oct

Ytd just before im gg to end work b msg me. say what he at tiong gg over find me. LOL. nabeh. actually he was oready downstairs my office wanting to give ma a suprise. omggggg. No wonder he said he's been trying to find out wher's my exact location as he wanted to suprise me. NO WONDER. kept texting me. lol. how sweet of that retard :))

went down...and outside of tower 2 to smoke...den he handed me smth......

OMFG. fuck la. i just touched my make-up up in office before i left. MUST NOT CRY WENCUI!

lolololololol. tat dumb b of mine still say: 男左女右 correct? CORRECT??

......after tat went flyers to have popeyes....LOL saw fred! he loner sia walkin alone ^^

after tat sit ard...talk....den back to b's place to sleep. and SNORE of cuz v^-^v.

YAWNS. and he n zack are at motor lesson now. me rotting at home. New habit: every now and then i'll just take the ring from the box to see it. omg. don dare to wear it. frankly if i lose it i'll probably bawl my eyes out like seriously man.

P.S. : you were so damn right when u said: although u might be strong on the outside, but you have the most fragile heart i've ever seen. im so sorry b.

Love you so much, dearest.

OK! tat's it! gg tv n bath liao peeps ! :))

chao ^^

<3 <3 <3

YAWNS. lol. wat a nice way to start a post.



work makes me sooo tired. mentally mostly. sucks big time man. and i onli hav saturday to sleep in as sunday im workng AGAIN. sundays blues. omffffffffffff.


well anwae this post is gonna be about how i feel i guess. need to make a note. lol. just in case i forget how i felt about a particular thing, event, or person u know. lol. omg why am i so amused.


OK. anywaes, now its 5.41pm saturday aftnoon. but something that happened s few days back still caught up in my mind. or rather something that he said.




''are you so afraid to lose me that you must meet me everyday?''



i've no idea why this particular line is still stucking in my head. well perhaps i know. because they always say, the thing that bothers you the most is usually the thing that is true. BUT seriously speaking im not such a person (OK AT LEAST I TINK). like totally. then why the fuck am i so bothered about what he said. especially that line.
That particular line. Mayb he didnt realli mean it, i dont know. But one thing's for sure. He dont know how much it stabbed my heart when he said it. By now he should more or less know that im damn fucking sensitive to somethings that he do or say. simply put, by saying wat he said, it made me felt so unwanted. its like im so damn despo to meet him and stuff. like im in fact demanding to meet him. omg. it made me felt so bad. like seriously.
sigh. he'll nvr know how it realli liek hurt me u know. i dont mean to sound oh-so-fragile or watever shit. but thing is i was, or still am sad. but well i'll be ok after in few days' time.


okok. shall stop nagging here. need to go bath n rest awhile. headin social house lata i guess.



Bye ppl :'l